Parents’ Part in Child’s Relationship

Past affects the present.

My professor in one of my subjects at school, Current Issues in Psychology, required everyone in the class to look for a journal that would be a current issue in psychology, hence the subject. When looking for one, I thought that I would have a go to something that would be interesting for everyone. And the first thing in my mind is… love. This world is full of love. Well, I believe so. If they don’t love, they’ll just kill themselves off ‘cause they don’t love themselves. Kind of like that. You love yourself that is why you are still living. Uhmm… right? ;D

Anyway, I searched Google for journals about love. There were various journals about love: love for music, love for family, love for friends, love for a partner, love for things, love! I found a lot but I ended up choosing three. But the other two were so long I can’t pass it to my professor. Plus, if I would report it, me and my classmates’ mind would be blown up because it’s too long. So yeah. I ended up with this one.

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways: Parenting During Adolescence, Attachment Styles, and Romantic Narratives in Emerging Adulthood
by: Amanda Nosko, Thanh-Thanh Tieu, Heather Lawford, and Michael W. Pratt

To put it in a simple way, the parenting style your parents used to you (authoritative, permissive, and authoritarian) and your attachment style to your caregiver (secure, insecure anxious, insecure avoidant) would affect your relationship (attachment style to your partner, relationship quality, and intimacy) during early adulthood (ages 19 to 40). I think that’s the simplest summary of the study I could give. If you have a negative parent-child relationship, you probably would have a negative romantic relationship.

Even before, I have believed that the past affects the present. Various theories like that of Sigmund Freud and Erik Erikson have argued that a former stage in life of a person would affect that of the next stage. The researchers of this study believed so too. In this study, they have focused on the parenting and attachment style as a child and the relationships of young adults.  They emphasized a specific stage rather than going on the broad side.

It is true that one cannot change his past. But he could still alter what is in the present and the future. This study serves as a reminder to everyone that they have a part in whatever is in the future. One can’t change the parenting style their parents had and their attachment style to their caregiver, but he could transform his future parenting style and his future children’s attachment style into one that is balanced and secured. In that way, they will have a good relationship.

This type of journals and articles is the reason that I am afraid of having a child. Whatever the parent does would affect his/her child in the future. If you lack something, it’ll affect your child. If you overdid something, it will affect the child. And I know that I am not perfect so one way or another, I know I’ll make a mistake. And I am afraid that such mistake would ruin something for my child. It’s quite terrifying for me.

So to every parent there is, do your job well. Don’t spoil them but don’t ignore them. Love them with all your heart. I’m not yet a parent so I can’t really give much advice but BE A GOOD PARENT! Okay? Okay. *ehem-tfios-ehem*

~J̿L̿      #jalaness

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