Thinking…

With my cursor blinking, my mind trails off. I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to say. These are the times that my mind is just like a blank sheet of paper. I force myself to think of something. Something I could talk about…

But my blank mind is all that there is. It’s as if my mind is in a lost space. All is white, not sure if there is really a ground but I’m standing in a firm surface. Not sure if there is a wall. The place seems endless that even if I walk for eternity, I wouldn’t see another sight but white. Not sure if there’s a ceiling or sky because when I look up, it’s just white. I sat and felt the ground. It is cold in my hands but warm in my body. I looked forward. Is this place just a room? I stood up and walked, and then I ran. I think I felt a wall. There’s something stopping my hands from forwarding. But my face just goes through. Is it just my hands that feel it? My body can’t go through too. What is this place? I try to move sideways to my right, led by the invisible wall. I reached the end. I feel another wall but there is no corner. Again, my head just went through. I walked again, my hands guiding me with through the other wall. I walked and walked and walked. But this time, I think there’s no end. I stopped and sat by the wall. I’m crying. I want to call for help for someone but I don’t know who to call. My mother? My mother is the only person I could think of right now but the word just won’t seem to come out of my mouth. I think I’m seeing what I’m wearing. I’m wearing a hanbok. This makes me laugh but the me in that white place keeps on crying. I felt helpless. There’s an attack of some kind. I just feel it. A sword. A man with a sword is going to attack, jumping towards me. I’m just feeling it but there’s really nothing. I looked around waiting for the real thing to happen. There isn’t. I’m afraid. Suddenly I see a cave in a forest. Should I go? I want to go but my feet, my body won’t do so. It’s as if I’m attached to that white place. I tried to reach out. I reached onto something; I pull myself into the forest. There’s a man watching me. I continued to pull myself into the forest. He’s just watching with a blank face…

ENOUGH!!!! Gosh! I watch too much Korean dramas my thought turned into the one I’m recently watching (Gu Family Book and the man in the forest in my thoughts seems Kang Chi’s gumiho father). As I’ve said at first, I just let my thoughts go until that white place appeared in it and I followed what’s happening as if I was really in it, doing things as if I’m really in it. Well, that white place isn’t new to me. I’ve dreamed of it before many times, most of it is when I’m sick. But everything that happened just a while ago and when I dreamed of it was totally different. Anyway, I wonder if this has some psychological explanation. You know… like some hypnosis or something. Well, as of now, I’ll just keep record of it. Maybe I’ll have a book filled with my dreams just like what Freud has. Then I’ll be able to explain things blah blah blah… After all, I’m a psychology major student. Maybe in the future, such things may have an explanation. Anyways, just ignore me. It’s just my mind roaming around, trying to be functional since it’s not much of use while it’s my sembreak. Yeah. ツ ~J̿L̿

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