No. I’m not pregnant. I’m not having my own kid. At least, not for now. It just makes me worry to have my own kid. Seeing kids that aren’t properly raised by their parents and ending up not being nice, it just makes me worry. What if the child I’ll have won’t end up the way I wanted it to be? The way I expected it to be? The way I view it to be? It makes me afraid to have my own.
I just had my developmental psychology subject last semester and I know that the life, personality and everything the kid has is a result of what he had before it. So when I spoiled him during this age, it would be very hard for him not to be treated as a spoiled one at another age. If I ignored him during this age, he would feel ignored or something at another age. It’s like cause and effect.
This is the main thing I am worry for. What if I didn’t trained him well during his childhood? Would he end up as this kid, or this one, or another one that I’m not really expecting or fond of? And what if I trained him too much that I ended up too strict to him and he’ll end up in this way because of that? Or I became too relaxed with him and he’ll end up having too much freedom and he’ll do things that he isn’t supposed to do? It just became worrisome.
Because of this, I am quite afraid to have a kid. No, not quite. I’m very afraid of having my own kid. I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother. And I’m afraid because of it. It scares me to think that I’m the reason of my child’s downfall just because I raised him like this or like that. It scares me. :'(