Confusing Signals (Part 1)

One of the things that I hate about myself is that I’m insensitive. Some people say that when you’re a psychologist, you should be sensitive. But I’m not and I want to be a psychologist. Anyway, I am. Admittedly, I am, especially when it comes to someone liking me. I am very insensitive. And if ever it is really really obvious, my mind forces to me that it’s someone (even though it’s really obvious that it’s me). You people got to say it to my face! Clear and direct!

I’m not used to people liking me. I mean, not friendly like but guy-to-me-like. I’m not that attractive compared to others that’s why it never registered to me that I am likeable. That there would be someone who would like me and not my friend. But don’t be mistaken. I like being liked. It makes me confident. It makes me think that there are good points in me.

Another thing. I’m easy to believe. I believe what you show me. And what people say about you. And how people treat you. And what I see. Maybe it’s one of the things that contributed to my insesitivity. It made my eyes and ears work well but slowly made my feelings numb. I can’t feel what I need to feel. I can’t receive well the “aura” they have.

And I think this is the major contributor of my insensitivity. I’m a female. It’s not the gender but the characteristic. Females, in which where I belong, overthink. They think and think and think. I think females are very imaginative. They have a very complex mind. Because of that, they think of things they are not supposed to. Sometimes, they exaggerate  And knowing that, I noted to myself not to do it. There are times I can’t avoid but to overthink but once I’ve thought of something unsure, I stop and go back from the thought in which I’ve started and stayed there. I make things as plain as it is and let it as it is. It makes life simpler and less problematic. And my desire to keep things plainly, I became this insensitive. It’s like those life lines that goes up and down if you’re alive and stay at the middle when you loose pulse. Being plain makes my life line stay in the middle and makes me numb, like dead.

I’m insensitive. Done. But why am I talking about this? I really want to finish this post with only this but I really want to share it as it is the only thing I really could do here. So I’m going to continue tomorrow. See my post for tomorrow. It’s where things get really interesting.

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