Poor Child

Admittedly, I pity my childhood days. Really. I’m the type of kid that always stays at home, does her assignments, don’t like to socialize. I grew up like that. And I really pity how I was. I mean, I was a kid. I should be playing and stuff. But what:? I’m inside our house doing stuff on my own. I do have my sister to play with me sometimes but the thought is, I’m still inside our house. I never had that much friends within our neighborhood. The heck! I don’t even know who they are!

When I was in elementary as a little kid, I go home at 4PM. Then, when I got home, I’ll just rest for a while, maybe eat some snacks then I’ll do my assignments. I often finish around 5PM or 6. While I’m doing my assignments and stuff, other kids are out playing their games and such. And what am I doing? Studying! My parents established with me that I won’t be able to do those games until I’m done with my homework. But by the time I finish those, there really aren’t any kids around my age that are out since it’s already dark and their parents already instructed them to go inside. So at the end of the day, I stayed home and only at home. Later on, I got used to it and I’m that girl attached to her home and would choose to be at home playing on her own or watching TV rather than go out and play with kids like me.

Please don’t think that everyday of my childhood days I’m inside our house. There are times that I go out and play but my comfort zone is inside our house. I didn’t really experience that play thing. I grew up being an introvert. And as a result… TADAH! I’m this. I like the way I am right now. Well, most of it at least. I’m not really that happy on how I end up but yeah. It’s the way I did when I was a child I don’t like. It’s not the normal activity of a child my age back then. And I really hate it. I pity it. I really do.

Because of that, I’m anxious how I will train my child. I liked the way how my parents trained me up but not everything in it. But most part of it. So I would like to implement that to my child. But I’m worried that if I did this thing, would he be too liberated or would feel suffocated on how I trained him up? Too much of attention is a bad thing. But of course, too much of ignoring is bad too. What if I did too much? Would he end up bad or a good one? That’s what I’m worried about. It’s really disturbing. I’m afraid because I feel bad about myself when I was a child, I’ll put my frustration on my child and I don’t want that. I don’t want that and it’s not nice. Really not nice.

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