Martyr

I must be a martyr. I must be a fool. Why do I keep on doing the same mistake over and over again?! Because of that mistake, I’m hurting so much inside. I hate myself for not learning my lesson.

So I like this guy. And the normal story of a broken hearted person, that guy doesn’t like me. And guess what’s worse? That guy likes my friend. And since I’m a fool, martyr and ugly, I’m even willing to help the guy to get my friend. And THAT FREAKING HURTS. It hurts so much I want to throw all things around me. I can’t be angry with my friend. She’s not at fault. I can’t and will never blame the guy too. He doesn’t even know (I think) I like him. All the fault is in me. All in me. It’s my fault for feeling this way. It’s my fault for not stopping my heart to like that guy even though I know I’ll be hurt. It’s my fault that I’ve done too many things just for him to notice me even though I know it won’t work. It is all my fault.

I have experienced the same thing back then. And the same thing happened. I made my past love and the girl be together. I’m their bridge! And I like him! How absurd is that?! And what’s much worse is that I’m going to repeat everything again this time. I hate myself for doing it again.

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